Love Straight From the Hands of God

Imposter Syndrome explores the complexities of second generation immigrant identities through the duality of simultaneously being a citizen in one land and having roots elsewhere.

This piece was the first one I made as a part of the series Imposter Syndrome, questioning our understanding of familial love growing up in the West verses my experience of it in an immigrant household.

The understanding of my family history comes through storytelling passed down from generations. My dad used to proudly tell us about his deep bond with his older sister that made us recoil in disgust. He is the youngest of 6, all of whom were in college/married/with kids when he was born. The age gap was significant enough that my aunt gave birth to my cousin at the same time my grandmother gave birth to my father. My aunt would often babysit my dad, breastfeeding her son and brother simultaneously.

As a kid, I was disgusted when they’d share this story. As I got older, I understood these normalized forms of familial love and powerful beyond understanding.

Kehinde Wiley, Mother Mary stained glass and the church I grew up in. The church was influential to my formative years, for better or for worse. I used to stare at the stained glass and count the roof tiles when I couldn’t understand the sermon.

I used this story to explore how my two conflicting cultural understandings formed the meaning of love to me, a second-generation immigrant.

Through my research, church imagery was reoccurring to me. Kehinde Wiley’s work (Website) was particularly influential to my work. His work juxtaposes black bodies into beautiful spaces that work to dismantle power structures. Culturally, we only allow specific bodies to exist in specific spaces.

*The very first sketch of the piece and initial research/sketches.*

I use my sketchbook as a first place to explore any project. I test how materials interact with each other and write my worst ideas down without scrutiny. I sketch the first images that come to mind while researching and make note of any outside connections/references I make on the way.

In my sketchbook, I was exploring hands in old Christian paintings (specifically Mother Mary). Their hands had a floating, light-weight element to them. I made a connection between religious painting compositions and the holy mother figure my aunt played in my dad’s life.

*Laser-cutting the panel and the painting the first layer of oils on my piece.*

Framing my piece in a Mother Mary stained-glass form helps question our notions of what familial love is in the West. Using oils and high-gloss glazing, my aunt is painted as ethereal and positions her as the symbol of maternity and unconditional love as I understood it growing up.

As the first piece to my series, it opened the avenue of exploring how referencing past histories and contextualizing it to my own can enhance the concept of my work.

Julia MathewApril 9, 2020